I Went to Ontario, but part of me never returned
NobleEver since I set foot in Hamilton I’ve felt different, like a burden was lifted from my shoulders. I feel refreshed, renewed, like I’m a different person. I started feeling it when I arrived, waiting at the terminal for my aunt and uncle to pick me up. When they got there though, I had a huge smile on my face because my cousin Athena ran out of the truck and
tackled me, which made me feel great.
Once we got back to the house, this feeling kept growing; it was like waves kept hitting me, gradually getting bigger and stronger, wearing away more and more crap and stress from me. I sat for a while, talking to warren, getting tackled by my youngest cousin John the whole time, and talking to my aunt. It felt right being there, the more I talked to them, the lighter I felt, the better I felt, the more human I felt. It was starting to spook me… What happened next is what broke the mold. Warren went upstairs for a minute, when he came back down, he handed me a sword and said “from one warrior to another.” I accepted it and looked at it. It was a Chinese War sword and she is beautiful. Warren looked at me and told me to go outside and swing it, get a feel for it. I went outside instantly, and the moment I drew her from the sheath, it felt like something was cut away from me. Then I started moving the sword around me, it moved flawlessly around me like it weighed nothing, it felt like something that had been missing from me for years. The sword barely left my side the rest of the day, every chance I got I was outside practicing with it, getting used to the weight, adapting to the hilt (which is longer than I’m used to) And it felt like with every cut I made, more of myself was being cut away, like a butcher cutting fat away from good meat, and with every cut, I could move easier, I could think easier, and so much more I can’t begin to describe.
Through all this I never stopped thinking, “how can I make things right when I get back, I know I won’t be forgiven, that’s clear, but how can I make the people I’ve hurt get relief from the pain I’ve caused.” Nothing came to mind. As the day progressed, I kept feeling like I belonged there. Me and Warren kept talking like old friends that hadn’t seen each other in years, it didn’t feel like I was meeting him for the first time, I felt like we had been separated for too long, and this was us being reunited. The whole time I was there it was like I wasn’t up on a trip, it felt like I lived there, and the more time I spent with the family, the lighter my soul felt.
After supper the first day, we took Northern Valhalla out to the harbour. She’s a great boat, not that big, but big enough for what we needed. The moment we were on the water and Warren throttled up, the pieces I’d been missing from myself were filled in. Being here with the family, Shari, Warren, Dad, Lynn, my cousins back at the house, the friends they had made that they introduced me to, it all felt right.
Now when we got to the wedding, that’s when things got really interesting. All through it I was happy for Shari and Warren; I couldn’t get the damage that I’ve done to a certain person out of my head. I was able to block it out soon enough, but it was tugging at me the whole day. Other than that the wedding went smoothly, the reception after was nice too. My family has expanded a fair bit thanks to the wedding, and they all looked at me like I was family from the moment I got there. That felt weird.
Everything after that just felt natural, like I should be living up there and not here. I almost forgot I lived in Nova Scotia until Dave randomly texted me. I know now that once I’m done school I’m moving up there. I’m not living here for the rest of my life. Sorry to anyone who’s going be mad about that but it’s something I have to do.
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